


god has left the chat.

by ratcastiel, spicymaple



Series: the supernaturals [1]
Category: Girl Meets World, IT - Stephen King, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, Victorious (TV)
Genre: Alex might be Misha’s son, Alexander Calvert can’t swim, Alexander Calvert is just baby, Andy Bean and Wyatt Oleff are Jeremy Renner’s bodyguards, Angel Alexander Calvert, Angel Misha Collins, Angel Robbie Shapiro, Brainwashed Shane Dawson, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Amy Schumer, Evil Jeremy Renner, False Identity, Forced Marriage, I'm Going to Hell, I’m sorry, Jade West is a lesbian, James Neutron looks an awful lot like James Ransone, Jeffree Star is Satan, Jensen is a Judge Judy Fan, Jimmy Neutron Has a Twin, M/M, Michael Cera as Hawkeye, Misha is Rex for a few scenes, Other, Rowan lost her thong!, Temporary Character Death, They just wanted to eat dinner, Tom Holland dated James Charles, Too many plot twists, but he’s an evil angel, cartoon world?, do you really want to read all the tags, i completely forgot what happens in this., or maybe not? who knows, trans rights!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-01-26 10:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 15,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21372598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratcastiel/pseuds/ratcastiel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicymaple/pseuds/spicymaple
Summary: michael cera sees longtime friend misha collins, and misha’s friends, jensen and jared, after getting his new role as hawkeye. they decide to go for a small brunch, and what they encounter leads them on a series of different adventures.
Series: the supernaturals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688116
Comments: 16
Kudos: 13





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> each time i read this i cringe but im also proud of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off a crack roleplay between ratsashley and spicymaple. yes we know this is cursed we are so sorry. n e way we’ll try to update regularly!! <3

Michael Cera was driving down the street after getting his new role in the MCU. After Jeremy Renner’s exposure with his family, the MCU left the role for Hawkeye up for grabs, and now it was Michael’s. As he turned the corner, he caught sight of a familiar face. He rolled down his window, and leaned out to speak.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is. Misha Collins himself! Hey man, it’s Michael!”

Misha turned around in shock. The last time he’d seen Michael must have been years ago.

“M-Michael? I haven’t seen you in years! How are you man?” 

“Ah, it’s been pretty crazy lately with all the press and the Hawkeye series, but that’s just how it is sometimes.” He shrugged nonchalantly, trying not to seem too cocky of his new role. Suddenly, his eyes lit up with an idea.

“Hey, how about you hop in and we get outta this dump.”

Misha gestured to Jensen and Jared next to him. “Ah, Michael, I would love to! But I’m currently hanging out with Jared and Jensen, could they come along too?” 

Michael exclaimed “Of course!”, and unlocked the car. He looked at the fellow actors through his rear-view mirror and introduced himself.

“Jared and Jenkins, I’m Michael Cera.” Jensen gave Jared a look at the sound of his mispronounced name, and Jensen spoke.

“Hey Michael, we’re Jensen and Jared, but it’s fine, you can just call us Jensen and Jared. We were planning on going to eat later, would you like to join us?” Jared added on with, “We’ll block you from the paparazzi since you’re unbelievably good-looking and are constantly being followed by them.” Michael agreed, and off they went.

~~~~

As Michael practically chowed down on his meal, Jensen, Jared, and Misha shared a look. Michael burped, and then spoke.

“Ah, this food is del-i-cioso!” Michael looked past the trio in fear. “Oh no. Is that...” Misha turned around to see what had Michael so scared. Misha’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Is that Amy Schumer across the street from us?” Michael shook his head and gestured to the other side.

“No, on our other side. Look over.” The trio looked over and saw none other than Jeremy Renner himself. Jeremy felt the group’s stare, and looked up.

“Oh no! He saw us. Quick, act casual!” Michael exaggerated as he looked around, as if he were recalling something. How he became an actor is still a mystery to many.

Misha, always trying to lighten the mood, added on with, “I hope he doesn’t notice.”

As the group continued to ignore Jeremy’s presence, two figures cast shadows upon their meal. They looked up and saw Andy Bean and Wyatt Oleff standing at the foot of their table.

“Gentlemen. We’ve been asked to escort you as you’ve made the Germ Runner uncomfortable. Please cooperate or else you all will be jailed.”

Jensen saw Misha’s jaw clench, and spoke quickly. He leaned over and whispered to Misha, “Don’t cause a fucking scene. Let’s just go.” Misha dabbed at his mouth with a napkin, and continued.

“Send our sincerest apologizes to Jeremy, we’ll just grab our things and leave.” He said as he packed up his belongings and paid for the meal.

As they passed by Jeremy’s seat, Jeremy looked up at them with binoculars and spoke.

“That’s right, run. Run like the little cowards that you all are.” 

Misha stopped immediately and held onto Michael. “Michael. Hold me back.”

Michael shook his head and smiled. “There’s no need. Supernaturals, attack!”

At Michael’s ungodly yell, Alexander Calvert stopped walking down the street. He saw the actors, assessed the situation, and joined the group because damn he had nothing else to do.

“Let’s beat his ass.” said by someone idk 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god. anyway kudos and comments are appreciated!


	2. The Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> supernaturals, attack!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you’re still reading! thanks! one question though: why

“Charge!”

Jeremy stopped in his tracks as he heard rumbling from a near distance. He looked over with horror to see none other than “The Supernaturals” running towards him. He gulped. “Lord have mercy on my soul...”

As the fight continued, Alex stayed back to distract Andy and Wyatt, Jeremy’s bodyguards, from the battle. “Ah, works every time :)”

“Ayo, how the fuck did you just keyboard smile out loud?”

After what seemed like hours of battling, though it was just like 5 minutes of grown white men arguing, Jeremy laughed. Everyone stopped.

“Why are you laughing?” asked Misha. The question seemed to only make Jeremy laugh even harder. Everyone looked at each other, confused looks on their faces.

“You know, you should’ve just left when I warned you. But no, now you will feel the wrath. Feel the wrath for he is coming and you will not be ready." He smelled like a wet dream, if that wet dream consisted of playing in a landfill. He smirked, then stopped and yelled out, "Shane!”

The smooth ground began to shake, splitting down the middle. The Supernaturals lost their balance and stumbled. 

“What's... h-happening...?” Everyone prepared themselves for the worst, when suddenly, the ground stopped shaking.

They all looked around nervously, lips parting with harsh breaths. Suddenly, Shane Dawson flies up from the crack in the ground and began break dancing.

He is instantly recognized as the famous YouTuber, and Jared calls out to him. “Shane, stop! You’re better than this!”

“MUST. DETERMINATE. FOR. GERM. COMMUNITY.” He repeats as he continues dancing.

Realization hits Michael, “Heck! He’s been brainwashed!”

Misha decides that he has no other choice but to use his true powers in order to protect his friends. He clenches his fists. “Jensen, Jared, Michael, go after the Germ, I’ll take care of Shane.”

He runs up to Shane, tackling him to the ground, and puts his hands on his head, immediately cleansing him from the disgusting Germ’s brainwashing.

Shane struggles to let go of Misha’s grasp, almost biting him. “LET GO OF ME!!! AAAAAHHHHHH.” Misha lets him go and reassures him, in an attempt to calm him. “Shane, it’s alright! Germ brainwashed you, but I’ve healed you of it!”

Shane stops struggling, and his facial expression completely changes, looking at Misha with a face of realization. “...How long have I been, ...you know?”

“I don’t know how long exactly, but it’s November of 2019. I hope you haven’t been under his control for long.”

Shane chuckles sadly. “2019... I’ve been stuck under his control since 2012, when the Avengers movie came out. I’ve missed seven years of my life because of the Germ.“

Misha shifts uncomfortably, not knowing how to respond. “Uhh whew chile, that’s crazy.”

Shane quickly stands up and looks around like a hawk. “Wait. Where is he?”

Jensen, Jared, and Michael walk up to Misha and Shane. “Did you do it?” Misha nods. “Did you get Germ?” They shake their heads. “We have no idea where he went. He litchrally just disappeared.”

As if on cue, Michael looks past Misha to see Jeremy running up to them. He approaches swiftly and quickly, a black ball of magic floating from his hands. “Guys! Behind you!”

Jensen yells, “Misha, no!”

The dark, black magic ball of evil materialized into a blade, plunging into Misha's chest. As he collapsed onto the floor in a heap, the light faded from his eyes.

Jensen teared up, with a sorrowful, “Misha!”

Alex, upon hearing their yells, ran from the bodyguards and went to find them. Upon seeing Misha’s lifeless body laying on the ground, his grief quickly turned into anger as his eyes landed on Jeremy. Damn Misha’s dead I guess.

“Germ... you- you killed Misha. You must pay the ultimate price.”

Alex began using the powers that Misha passed down to him. He began by reviving Misha, followed by cancelling Jeremy on Twitter, for good. Jeremy checked his phone to see the tweets labeled "#JeremyRennerIsOverParty" springing up yet again. He stared at Alex in horror, only for Alex to finish off his career with the last blow, removing all traces of him from the MCU.

Misha sat up quickly, breathing heavily, and holding onto the other Supernaturals. He looked over at Alex, “Alex, thank you for saving me.”

Alex smiles, happy his fake-dad is finally back. “Not a problem. It’s been a long ride, but the Germ finally had to go.”

“Well, since that’s over with, do you guys want to hang out at my place?“ Jared suggests.

“Ah, sure. It’s been a very stressful day. We need a break. Already got my stuff ready for da sleepover!” Michael smiled as he showed off his sleepover bag.

Jared turned his head in confusion. “Where did you-? Never mind. Let’s head out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah that was. a trip. sleepover at jared’s next chapter and someone mentioned earlier will make a special appearance😗thanks for reading!


	3. jared's house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group chills out at jared's house after their encounter with jeremy. all is well, until a familiar face arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chapter! woohoo also alex can’t fucking swim

As the group calmed down in Jared's home, Alex snapped a quick picture of everyone eating dinner. Michael laughed it off, and jumped into the pool.

"Oh, you guys are so silly. By the way Jared, your pool is magnificent." Michael said, splashing lightly. The group laughed, mentioning how Michael would get his floaty suit wet. "Come on guys, get in! Let's celebrate beating the Runner once and for all." Misha was the first to join Michael, with a loud ,"Cannon-Ball!", as he jumped in. As they laughed and splashed together, Alex's thoughts clouded the enthusiasm surrounding him. He couldn't swim. Would they push him in? No, of course not... right?

Michael saw the worried look on Alex's face and climbed out of the pool, slowly approaching the younger man as his huge man boobs from his floaty ”fake abs” suit began sagging with water. "Alex," he placed a hand on his shoulder, "Need some help there buddy?" Alex stopped his nervous pacing, gulping harshly before admitting, 

"Michael," he paused for a moment before continuing, "I can't really swim."

Michael took a step back, confused. This is what he was pacing around over? He pulled a face and replied. "You defeated the Germ with your powers but you can't swim? Okay, sis..."

At Michael's harsh comment, Alex’s face twisted in confusion. Why this bitch so fucking mean, girl i-..

"I'm sorry Michael, I've just never gotten around to it." 

At Alex's beaten-down tone, an idea popped up in Michael's usually empty head. "Well, anyone can swim. You just need a little... PUSH!" With the last word, Michael pushed Alex, jumping in once the younger male was submerged. This was technically attempted murder but oh well. Once Alex stopped flailing, his body seemed to take control and start swimming. He chuckled softly before turning to Michael.

“Hey Michael, I think I’ve got the hang of it!” Alex’s eyes glowed from his joy, and a random ass woman seemed to appear out of thin air, in his arms. 

”Atta bo-Whoa? Where did that girl come from?” At the mention of her presence, the woman disappeared, and Alex’s eyes stopped glowing. “And where’d she go? Does it have to do with your powers, Alex?”

Alex shook his head, seemingly unaware of the figure he embraced. “I don’t know man.”

Michael sat on the ledge of the pool, trying to make sense of the woman. “What the hell we gon’ do, now?”  
A loud bang from Jared’s front door startled him, making him fall back into the pool. Jared slowly got out of the pool, trying to make no noise, but Michael’s ’splash!’ compromised the situation.

“Did you hear that?” The group nodded in response, no one daring to make a loud noise. Jared took a deep breath before saying, “I’ll go check it out.” As Jared slowly made his way to the door, Michael softly called out, 

“Be careful.”

Jared peeked through the door hole, and saw none other than Amy Schumer standing outside. He pulled away from the door and turned to the group. He grimaced and continued.

“It’s Amy Schumer. She’s... in her underwear.” The last sentence seemed to leave a bad taste in his mouth. Jensen, however, was having none of it. His eyes drew towards his gun holster on his jeans. The sentence was out of his mouth before he knew it. 

“Should I shoot her?” 

Michael’s hearty personality shone through again. “Her surname doesn’t rhyme with ‘shoot her’ for noth’n.”

Shane seemed flabbergasted at the idea. “Guys, no!”, he yelled.

Jared’s eyes snapped to Shane. 

”Shane! Don’t yell, she’s right outside.” Right on cue, Amy spoke up.

“Uh, g-guys? You in t-there? Let me in! My coochie’s getting cold.”

Everyone collectively rolled their eyes at her request. Misha tried to lighten the mood. 

“Maybe, if we ignore her, she won’t break down the door.”

After an entire minute of silence, the group’s mood seemed to lighten. Alex was about to begin speaking, when a low noise started from the air vent. Michael didn’t trust his senses after the incident with the mystery woman, so he continued.

”Uh... Anyone else hear rumbling coming from the air vent...?“ Jensen looked toward the ceiling, an, “Oh no.” passing in a breath. The Supernaturals gathered the closest weapons, and threw on their outfits before facing the ceiling. 

“Let’s get her.”

Shane relaxed against the couch, a bag of popcorn in hand, looking at the others.

“Oh, this oughta be good!” He pulled out his phone, and allowed his “In case of fight, please play” playlist to start. 

_I'm a bad bitch, fuck the bitch (uh) Bitch get slick, I'ma cut the bitch _

Amy slammed onto the floor perfectly from the ceiling. She was suddenly dressed in a black leather one piece.

“Guess who? Surprise, bitches. Thought you’ve seen the last of me?”

Misha stared at her, stone-faced.

_I'm a bad bitch, suck some dick (okay) If that bitch get slick, I'll cut the bitch_

”Amy, we don’t want to hurt you. Just leave us alone and nothing will happen.”

Amy disregarded Misha’s comment.

”After you cancelled Germ on Twitter? I came here to fight, and I plan on winning.“

Misha’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. He didn’t want to do anything he didn’t have to do.

_I'll cut up the bitch, I'll gut the bitch (okay)_

“That’s not going to happen, Amy.” He relaxed his hands in the next breath.

“Tsk tsk tsk. You think you can overcome the Schumer. How sad. Now...” She drew in a breath, and let out a roar.

“Charge!”

Misha stared Amy down. He wasn’t afraid of her.

“You leave me no choice.” His eyes glowed a bright blue as he spoke.

_Had to fuck up the bitch, man, fuck the bitch Won't shoot her but I will gun-butt the bitch _

Shane turned off the playlist upon seeing the glow of Misha’s eyes. He took a handful of popcorn and shoved into his mouth.

Misha’s eyes seemed to bore a hole in Amy’s soul.

“You named your child Genital because your coochie stank.”

Amy’s eyes welled up with tears. Her voice broke as she spoke.

“Please... no. It was just a coincidence... I swear.”

Misha did not relent.

“Seriously? How are you a comedian if no one actually laughs at your jokes? Don’t get me wrong, but all of the original jokes you make are just about your vag. Everything else is just stolen. It gets gross to just hear you blabber on about that.”

The words resonated with Amy, and her body began disintegrating after Misha’s statement. She let out one final scream before becoming a pile of dust.

The group looked at Misha in shock. He, too, was shocked at his actions. He never meant to hurt her, he was only saying the truth. Nevertheless, his words were out there, and his actions were done.

“Misha. What... what did you do?”, someone said. Misha was staring at the pile of dust, too involved in his thoughts to hear who said what.

Misha took a shuddering breath.

“I did what had to be done.”

Michael looked at the dust on the floor, and tore his eyes away from it after a few long seconds.

“Two people hurt in one day. When will the suffering end?” He asked himself.

Misha looked over at Michael. 

“I’m sorry, Michael, I hope you do understand that I never truly mean to hurt anyone.” 

The group looked between each other, but any words they were going to say got caught in their throats as the house started rumbling.

A vase fell from a shelf, a cloud of dust appearing as it crashed onto the ground. In its cloud, a figure appeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


	4. the figure in the dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from behind the dust, a figure appears. as they approach, the group of actors and one youtuber must figure out what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all better not ship michael and misha after this chapter

The actors slowly stood up with caution. Michael’s eyes blink rapidly as the dust cleared. The figure behind the dust approached, and Jared breathed out a question.

“Robbie Shapiro from Victorious?” 

Robbie stretched his neck, before facing the actor and smirking. 

“Yes, it is I, Robbie.”

Michael shook his head.

“I’m sorry, what are you? And why are you here?” The question seemed to bother Robbie.

“I am an angel sent from Heaven by God.” Michael gasped and Robbie’s eyes landed on him. “Due to Misha’s killing of... the Schumer, he must be punished.” Misha stood his ground, but to no avail.

“From now on, you are to be my puppet, Rex.”

Robbie snapped his fingers and Misha transformed into Rex. As Michael yelled out his name, Misha cried out his final plea, “Help!”

Michael stared at Robbie, trying not to seem scared.

“Robbie! W-what did you just do to him? R-reverse it, right now!”

Robbie shook his head in defiance. 

“No can do, bucky boy. God’s orders.”

Robbie snapped his finger, feeling far too powerful. With one hand motion, he pushed all the actors, and also Shane, to the ground. He laid his hand on Misha’s head, putting him in a temporary coma, and as Robbie snapped his fingers, he teleported himself and the Rex version of Misha away from Jared’s house.

As soon as Robbie left, Michael rushed to his car, attempting to follow him. In the chaos of being pushed down, his anemia acted up, and he didn’t hear the two leave in the snap of Robbie’s fingers. The blood pumped in his ears as he sat in the driver’s seat. He started up the car, music blasting as he did so, and then he realized he didn’t have anywhere to go. The others approached the car as Michael started crying. They heard Nicki’s music blasting before they saw the tears. 

_ When my album drop these bitches is gon' cry in the car___

“Michael... we’ll find a way to bring him back.” Jensen placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael shrugged it off, and hit the steering wheel, tears falling as he did so. His voice cracked when he spoke.

“He’s GONE! What are we gonna do?” 

Alex took a deep breath. 

“Where do you think they went?”

Shane stood up, finally speaking.

“I think I might have an idea... I’ve seen this type of thing happen before in my time with Renner’s stank ass. Follow me.”

The others allowed him to lead the way. They began their long journey toward the unknown. It felt like days, weeks, maybe even months, even though it was probably only a few hours, but they were determined to find their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! kudos and comments are appreciated <3


	5. cowabunga!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw! graphic description of blood and mention of clowns.  
the group continues on their mission to find misha, and they won’t stop for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if a graphic description of blood makes you uncomfortable, please skip the paragraph starting with line, “As Alex dove into the ball-pit...” and continue at, “Robbie leaned against the wall...” but it’s so funny

As the car slowed down in front of a closed Chuck E. Cheese, Jared climbed out of the car. He approached the window, cupping his hands around the glass, trying to peer inside. Shane struggled to get out of the car for a few minutes. Once he fell out of the car, he cleared his throat, and spoke.

“We’re here.”

Jared saw the shadow of Robbie and Rex in the ball-pit. He motioned toward the others.

“Guys. I found them.”

The others looked up at Jared.

“Where are they?”

“They’re.” Jared cleared his throat. “They’re in the ball-pit.” Michael kept a tight grip on the steering wheel. “I’ll stay here.” His knuckles turned white as he gripped harder. Jared gave a curt nod.

“Alright. We’re going in.”

The door to the dark arcade opened slowly, and Shane used his phone’s flashlight to look around. He stepped closer to the ball-pit, phone first. He turned up the brightness, trying to look into the ball-pit. Jensen shook his head.

“I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy, Shane.”

Shane used the leftover re-used pizzas’ grease to slick down his hair, reverting back to his 2008 hairstyle. He pursed his lips, and took on a harsh tone.

“Well, what do you suggest we do, smart guy?”

Jensen took a double-take when looking at Shane. “Cool hair-do, man!” Jensen said as he gestured toward his own hair. “But I don’t think we have much of a choice, we’re gonna have to dive in.”

“Cowabunga!” Shane dove into the ball-pit head first, sinking in immediately, the pizza grease from his hair greasing on the balls from the pit, his hair going back to its natural state. The others followed in his lead, but as Jared prepared himself, two clowns held him back. “Guys!” He yelled, but to no avail.

As Alex dove into the ball-pit, he crashed his nose against a particularly not even rough ball. The damage was done. While he sunk into the ball-pit, blood gushed freely from his nose, dripping down his shirt, staining it in the process. Within the minute that it took to travel down the grease-smelling ball-pit, his throat was full of the liquid. It trailed down his chin in an intricate pattern, drops of the dark red clashing violently with the colorful balls as it splashed onto them. Then, he hit the floor. Once he stood, he coughed up globs of the dark red fluid onto the ground. His entire body, including his powers, that he randomly had, felt weaker from the blood loss. He felt... drained in some way.

Robbie leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, smirking with Misha as Rex on his shoulders. “Surprise, surprise! You have some pretty big coconuts showing up here, Supernaturals. Have to say I’m impressed!”

Alex clutched his sides warily as he faced Robbie.

“You won’t get away with this.”

Robbie smiled, baring his teeth.

“Oh, but I already have.”

Robbie glowed with power, and began extracting Misha’s life force out of Rex. Misha’s puppet jaw dropped open as he let out a scream from the excruciating pain. Alex wiped the fucking ballpit blood off his face with his sleeve. His eyes flicked between Robbie and the Rex puppet that contained Misha, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he figured out a plan.

“Robbie, stop! Let’s make a deal.”

The lights dimmed down as Robbie weighed the options.

“Alright. What kind of deal are we talking about?”

Alex whispered, mostly to himself. 

“Shit, I didn’t think I’d get this far.” 

He faced Robbie and clenched his jaw. 

“I’ll give you some of my powers in return for Misha back, in his original form. We both know I’m stronger than you, Robbie.”

Robbie seemed disappointed at the deal. 

“Pitiful deal. I have more powers than your plain mortal mind can ever grasp onto. Say goodbye to your little friend...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we fuckin warned y’all!! anyway kudos and comments please :3


	6. the exorcism of rex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jared fights off the clowns that attacked him, and alex tries to save misha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o my fuckin god. clown tw! if the mention of clowns makes you uncomfortable, please skip up to the line “Here go some haterade...”. a short summary of what happens: jensen and jared team up and kill the clowns that grabbed jared. michael cera plays nicki minaj to empower them.
> 
> also seizure tw where it says “Robbie turned to Michael and began chanting...”! and just skip that entire paragraph. what happens is alex realizes what robbie said is right. so yeah just wanted to let you know just in case! enjoy the chapter bbs

From above the ball-pit, Jensen climbs up in order to save Jared. Jared breaks free from the clown’s grasp, and knocks it down, slamming his elbow into the clown’s face. Jensen successfully reaches the top, and slams his hand on the ground in celebration. The noise startles Jared, and he prepares to shoot whoever scared him. He calms down once he sees Jensen’s face, and begins to lower the gun. One of the clowns scares him from behind, and Jared shoots on instinct. It barely passes by Jensen’s head.

“What the hell, man!” 

Jared gasped out,

“Sorry man.”

The clowns began to surround them, closing in on the two men.

Outside, Michael drummed his fingers on the car door. He leaned in, and turned on the car radio.

_Ayo, look like I'm goin' for a swim Dunked on 'em, now I'm swingin' off the rim___

The two heard the song coming from where Michael resides, and they felt a rush of energy.

_Bitch ain't comin' off the bench  
While I'm comin' off the court fully drenched___

Jensen and Jared worked magnificently off each other. Their years of acting together added onto their clown-fighting skills. Jared plunged a pocket knife into one of the clowns, and at the second of impact, the clown’s entire form bursted into glitter.

_ Here go some Haterade, get ya thirst quenched Styled on 'em in this Burberry trench  
These birds copy every word, every inch But gang gang got the hammer and the wrench _

_ __ _

_ __ _

Once the two finished killing off the rest of the clowns, glitter raining down on them, Jared seemed to be the only one covered in their remains. Jensen stifled a laugh.

“Glitter? Seriously? I’ll be covered in it for years now. Go ahead. Laugh it up.”

Jensen let out a hearty chuckle, trying to stop it from coming out.

“I’m sorry. It’s just- heh, you look like...”

Michael revved up the car and crashed into the Chuck E. Cheese building in style. 

“Vroom vroom, bitch. Maybe if you just streamed Nicki!” 

Jared raised his arms in defeat. 

“Just look at me, making it shine.” 

Robbie and the others appeared behind him. 

“’Making it Shine’, you say?” 

Alex used Robbie’s moment of distraction to extract Misha from his arms. He focused his powers, and the lights imploded around them. In a flash, Misha was back to normal, but it costed everyone else. While the sparks fell from the broken lights, everyone else had been de-aged. Alex’s powers were out of control from his blood loss, and the only two that were normal were Alex and Misha. 

Alex apologized immediately after seeing the others’ forms. 

“Guys, I didn’t mean to de-age you!” 

Young Jensen looked at Alex. 

“Yeah, well, you did. So...” 

Shane laid down for a nap, this was too much for him. Michael Cera looked like Will Byers, haircut and all. 

“Great! Now I got this fucking bowl cut again. Streaming Nicki couldn’t save me this time.” 

Robbie looked like Joey Rooney. Suddenly, he threw his hands out in front of him and yelled. 

“This is OUTRAGEOUS! I AM A CHILD. Alex, this has gone TOO far.” He pointed at the group. “I challenge you all to a duel.” 

Alex laughed, shaking his head while he spoke. 

“Robbie, that’s just hurting yourself now. 1 angel child versus 5 others? Pathetic.” 

“You forget yourself, o’mortal. I am a child ANGEL. I am the ruler of worlds. You are only 5 children with pity powers. NO ONE can defeat me, Robbie Rooney.” 

Alex chuckled, 

“Girl, who’s Robbie Rooney? Uh, child, anyway so.” 

Jensen grabbed his gun, aiming at the angel child. 

“Boy, I’ll shoot your kneecaps off. Don’t play with me.”

Robbie ignored his comment and began levitating off the ground. His body contorted itself into swirls. He spoke, but no one could understand his words.

“ባደረካቸው ድርጊቶች ምክንያት ቤተሰቦችዎ ደሙን ያፈሳሉ ፡፡ ለድርጊቶችዎ የዘላለም ሥቃይ ይሰማቸዋል ፡፡ ያፈሰሱ እንባዎች ወደ ደም ይለወጣሉ ፣ የሚሰማቸው ህመም ሊቋቋሙት የማይችሉት ይሆናሉ ፡፡ በቅርቡ ለብቻዎ ትሆናላችሁ”

Alex shook off Robbie’s display of his powers.

“Your tricks have no effect on me, bitch.”

“No? Sure seems to be having a mighty effect on your little friends.”

Alex looked over to his side and saw his friends kneeling, covering their ears with their hands. They were screaming theirselves hoarse.

“Alex, please make it stop!”

Alex’s eyes widened as he realized that blood was trailing out of their ears. He faced the group that was huddled together, and lights flickered as wings extended from his back. The shadow of the wings covered the actors as Alex tried to keep them safe. Once they were no longer in danger, he faced Robbie, eyes glowing with a ring of gold as he did so.

“You’re hurting my friends. This calls for a bruh moment!” He cornered Robbie as he said the last word. He brought his hand out and focused his energy on hurting Robbie. 

“What’s... happening... to m-meee...” Robbie’s veins seemed to pop out of his skin as he struggled for control over Alex. He screamed in pain. Then, he snapped out of it.

“No! You’ve forgotten that I am more powerful than you could ever imagine.” He panted, “You cannot defeat me!”

Robbie turned to Michael and began chanting Chun-Li by Nicki Minaj. Michael’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he collapsed. Michael’s body began seizing, and Alex realized that Robbie was giving Michael a seizure. He didn’t have that mich knowledge over his powers, he couldn’t stop it. Alex might have been stronger power-wise, but Robbie had the upper-hand with years of experience with his powers. Alex was weaker than him. 

Robbie unclenched his fist and Michael passed out from exhaustion. Alex looked at him, feeling helpless. Robbie smirked.

“Good. Now, Alex, you’re a smart kid. I’ll give you and your friends a chance to escape... only if you leave Misha in the grace of my presence, where he will stay as Rex. Make your choice, bucky boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love the phrase bucky boy


	7. robbie’s feat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robbie strikes a deal with alex. will he agree?

As soon as Robbie said the Misha’s name in the same sentence as “grace”, Misha’s body snapped upright. He felt a rush of power as his body healed itself. Robbie stared at him, wide-eyed. Misha looked at Robbie.

“God, you absolute fool. How did you think I kept up the ‘angel’ persona in Supernatural? Special effects? No, I, Misha Collins, can just do that. I’ve been a sleeper angel this entire time, and you’ve just let me access my full potential by saying my name and grace together. A full power angel, and his not-son who is also somewhat angel, versus a weak child angel like you? I don’t think you stand a chance, Robbie Shapiro.”

Robbie’s still slack-jawed. Misha punches him lightly, but Robbie still goes out cold.

As everyone tried to collect themselves after the Robbie incident, they heard the flap of wings, and Cat Valentine along with Tori Vega looked at them. Cat spoke,

“Misha? We sent Robbie down from Heaven to retrieve you, not to go out on a sick mission for his own pleasure. We sincerely apologize, and would like to bring you up to heaven for a meeting with God. Though God doesn’t agree with your methods of punishment, he congratulates you on punishing two hell-bent people, Germ and Amy. “

Misha was shocked, but he quickly found a reply.

“Aight, I gladly accept your offer. Would anyone like to come with me?”

Michael stood up and raised his hand.

“Of course! Before we go though, Alex can you de-age us?”

Alex lightly shook his head.

“I don’t think I’m powerful enough for that. The fight with Robbie really drained me, plus my encounter with a ball from the ballpit. Tori, Cat, would you do the honors?”

Cat exclaimed, “Of course!”

She raised her hand and the actors were back to their normal ages.

Michael shrieked in joy. “I’m back! No bowl cut this time, baby!”

Jared looked over and saw Shane’s figure on the floor. He shook him awake.

“Woah, I think Shane got knocked out at one point during the fight.”

Shane was about to correct him, but decided to continue with that story.

Michael patted Shane’s shoulder.

“Oh, no. Well, I’m glad you’re back buddy. Now let’s go!”

Tori cleared her throat.

“Okay, everyone. Places, please!”

Jensen mouthed to Jared, “Places?”, but held his hand. 

Everyone positioned themselves in a circle, holding hands as they did so, with Tori and Cat on opposite sides.

“Is everybody ready?”

They all nodded in response.

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! please give kudos and comment something and i’ll give you a hug in my mind. updates will be less frequent.


	8. WAAAAAAAUUUHHHHHSH!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group goes to heaven!!

Cat giggles lightly.

“Welcome to Heaven, everyone!”

Shane looked at the pearly white gates, wide eyes lingering upon every column.

“Wow...”, he breathed out, “this place is amazing.” Shane saw Michael nodding in response. Michael’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Shane.

“Uh- Shane what happened to your hair?”

Shane’s bald head shone under the bright lights of Heaven. Jared and the others turned toward Shane.

“Shane? Were you... wearing a wig this entire time?”

Shane’s hand flew up towards his head.

“Oops, forgot to put it back on when we arrived.”

He placed the wig back on. “That’s better!”

Misha cleared his throat, taking the attention off of Shane.

“Wig. Anyway, Tori, Cat, lead the way!”

As they walked towards God’s office in Heaven, Misha explained how Heaven’s setting looked different to all people. They stopped in one of Heaven’s many rooms, and took seats. It was themed like Sikowitz’s classroom. Everyone stared at each other, not sure how to continue. Michael eyes glanced at the door, not sure when he would meet God. Cat twiddled her fingers, and looked at Tori, when Jade West slipped in through the window. She yelled, Cat shrieked, and Jade laughed in response. Her eyes passed over everyone in the classroom.

“Oh, hello everyone.”

Michael’s lips parted as he asked the question, 

“Lesbian?”

Jade’s jaw clenched as soon as she heard the accusation, who cared if it was true or false.

“What did you just call me?”

Shane covered his face from embarrassment as he whispered to Michael,

“Oh my God, Michael, you don’t just tell people they’re a lesbian.”

Jade disregarded Shane’s extremely loud ‘whisper’, and let out a sigh as she crossed her arms.

“Who are you guys?”

Michael extended his hand, but Jade simply stared at it until he took it back.

“I’m Michael! We’re visitors from planet Earth and friends of Misha. Miss Tori and Cat invited us after we defeated Robbarazzi.”

Jade’s eyes widened and she smiled as soon as she heard about Robbie.

“You defeated Robbie? Thank god, he was getting annoying.”

Her eyes danced with glee as she considered the possibilities. She laughed lightly.

“I might fuck around and unplug his life support.”

A voice spoke from behind Jade, and Misha looked around, only to see Jimmy Neutron behind Jade.

“No, Jade. One more strike and you’re going on a time out to the bad place.”

Jimmy pushed past her and spoke to the group.

“Hi, everyone! I’m Jimmy, I’ve heard wonderful things about you all. I’ll be your tour guide for today.”

Jade rolled her eyes, a mutter of, “Okay, James”, slipping past her lips.

Jimmy snapped his fingers, transporting them to another room through the use of his genius alone.

“WAAAAAAAUUUHHHHHSH!” Shane yelled, during their one second trip. “MY WIG!” 

Jimmy laughed at Shane’s bald head until Shane placed the wig back on.

“Deal wit it shawty. We’ve arrived to our first location.”

The one and only, Nicki Minaj, turned around, facing the room.

“Hello everyone!”

Alex took an involuntary step forward in amazement.

“Nicki? Is it really you?”

Nicki’s eyes softened as she looked at Alex.

“Alex...? How are you here?”

Jensen whispered to Alex, “Close your mouth before you catch some flies.”

Alex shook his head to clear his mind.

“Well Ms. Minaj, my team and I defeated Robbie Shapiro, and we were invited to come meet God.”

Michael’s eyes widened as he remembered their reasoning for being there.

“Speaking of God, where is h-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jade west and jimmy neutron have joined the party!! kudos and comments always appreciated


	9. on god. like on god that’s god.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group meets god, and he asks where they would like to journey to next. everyone is having fun, but like always, something goes wrong. these summaries are getting worse im so sorry

When he spoke, his voice echoed through the classroom. It was thunderous, powerful, some might even say it was god-like. The take-away tray of noodles in his hand made it instantly clear on who it was.

“SUPERNATURALS! I’ve been waiting for your arrival. My name is God Shurley, but you can just call me God.”

Everyone was star-struck, save for Tori and Cat. Jared was the first to recover from his momentary shock.

“God? You look a lot like Rob Benedict.”

God’s face twisted into one of confusion.

“I literally have no idea who that is.”

Jared’s mouth dropped open for a second.

“Aren’t you Go-, never mind. Sorry if I offended you, God. It’s amazing to be able to be in your presence.”

God set his noodles down on a table that suddenly appeared.

“Thank you, Jared. Well first off, just wanted to congratulate you all on defeating the Robarazzi. As a grand prize, what would you all like to visit today? We can go anywhere, anytime, so what’s our first stop?”

Jensen piped in immediately, no hesitation at all.

“I’m a really big Judge Judy fan, but don’t tell anyone.” 

Jared mouthed to Misha, “Judge Judy?”

“Could we go to her courtroom?”

God smiled. “Great choice!” When he snapped his fingers to teleport everyone, Shane span around rapidly... again.

_“WAAAAAUUUUHHHRHRRE!”_

Shane pulled his wig back on once they reached the courtroom. Judge Judy stepped down from her stand and greeted the group.

“Oh, new visitors! Haven’t had any in a while. Hello everyone, I’m Judge Judy, but I’m sure you already know that.”

Jensen gasped softly, and leaned over to whisper to Jared.

“Woah, Judge Judy looking kind of thicc.” 

Jared proceeded to chain Jensen to a chair in the courtroom to calm him down. As Jensen got chained up, he looked around the courtroom.

“Wow, Judge Judy’s courtroom has changed a lot since I last saw it on tv.”

There were torches on the walls, slate concrete floors, and... was that a furry on the other side of the room? 

“Hey, do you see that?”

Jensen used his head to point toward the bright blue furry. Jared sighed and unchained Jensen as he muttered,

“My fucking God. How am I supposed to see what you’re pointing at if you can’t use your hands? I can’t stand himbos.”

Judge Judy took her seat and banged her gavel.

“We’re here on trial for Alex, the Snorgo Dog,’s murder accusation of one of his clients, the Flash.”

Misha sucked in a breath.

“Dammnnn, that sucks. Anyway, Judge Judy, how are you?”

Judge Judy ignored the murder accusation and focused on Misha.

“Oh you know, the usual, lesbianing.”

Jade leaned over to Michael and whispered.

“Wayament. Judge Judy is lesbian?”

Michael’s jaw dropped open.

“Wait... did you say, lesbian?”

Jade gave a small nod, and smiled. Michael started to return the smile, but he glanced over her shoulder, and all humor slipped out of his voice.

“Get in back of me.”

Jade and Judge Judy got behind Michael, but not without Jade questioning him.

“What is it, Michael?”

Michael would not have been able to speak, regardless, as there was now a fresh bullet lodged in his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg michael got shot!!! damn that sucks anyway stream mcr. kudos and comments please i beg of you


	10. oh lordt. AGAIN? another chapter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> michael’s just gotten shot, but who did it?

Jade rushed over to Michael’s body as soon as he hit the ground.

“Michael!” She cradled his head as she said the words. “Michael please, say something...”

Michael coughed and spoke with a weak voice.

“S... stre...” Jade looked at him expectantly. “Stream... N-n-nicki...”

He coughed one final time, before the life disappeared from his eyes. Jensen rubbed his eyes, trying not to cry.

“What will we do without him...”

Misha sneezed, and all eyes snapped to him.

“Guys, sorry to burst your bubble, but aren’t we literally in heaven? Michael’s going to show up in like a second.”

At the mention of his name, Michael piped up.

“Oh hey guys.”

Jade let the body slip out of her hands as she stormed over to Michael, preparing her speech on him being too ready to sacrifice himself. Shane put an arm out and stopped her. Shane thought for a second. “Hold awn... Who shot Michael in the first place?”

Misha looks around, trying to see the killer in the room. He struggles to figure out who did it. Suddenly, he gets an idea. 

“Michael, didn’t you see the killer when you had Jade hide behind you?”

Michael thought for a second, but drew a blank.

“Gee... I-I don’t really remember. Last thing I can think of before dying was Jensen aggressively tying Jensen to a chair.”

Jared screws his face upon hearing Michael forget that he exists. God rushed in.

“Oh gosh! I came back as soon as I could. I know I’m God so I should know everything but... I’m ashamed to say it I don’t know who shot you. I mean he could be walking down the street, I wouldn’t know who he was! It’s like I suddenly have my powers drained...” 

Alex spoke for the first time in a while.

“Wait... Did anyone hear that?”

God’s senses kicked in, and he looked at the courtroom door. As soon as his eyes landed on it, his sister walked in.

“...Oh lordt, again? A-fucking-gain. Nothing’s new, nothing’s changed, same old shit. Same old FUCKING SHIT.”

“Surprise bitch, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

God resisted the urge to roll his eyes and greeted her. “...Hello, Darkness. Welcome back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my hands are cold. please kudos,,, comment,,


	11. The Encounter, but unrelated to that chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the supernaturals confront yet another mysterious character that only lasts for like a chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took spicymaple 20 days to write this. petition to put her down.

Darkness pouts. “Oh? You weren’t expecting me?” 

As God opened his mouth to speak, Shane interrupted him. “I’m sorry, who the [hyuck!] are you?” 

“What the fuck just came out of your mouth, Shane.” Jared asked. Shane shrivels, feeling embarrassed. “It comes out when I’m nervous.” He barely whispered.

Darkness rolls her eyes at Shane’s foolishness. “I’m God’s older, and frankly more powerful, sister. Who are YOU? And why are you... mortals... here?” 

They heard a large crash fall from the sky to the ground, and they all looked over, surprised. It was Jimmy.

His impact had created a small crater in the ground. In a kneeling position, with his fist placed firmly on the ground, he spoke. “They’re here because we invited them, Darkness. Now, may I ask, why are _you_ here?”

Darkness laughs. “Oh, I can’t just come visit my brother for a little chat?” Her smile then turns upside down into a frown. “SIKE BITCH!” She starts to disintegrate Michael even though he’s a ghost, which is weird.

“AHHH!”

God cries. “NOOOOOO! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” God uses his powers to reverse a disintegrated Michael, and looks over harshly at his evil sister. “I’m sorry, Darkness, but you had this coming. MICHAELS, ATTACK HER OUT OF HERE!”

Michael splits into two people, the second person, being solely a huge head. They start running after Darkness, but the second she looks at the Michaels, she drops her jaw and leaves. “Uh... Au revoir!” 

They all sigh in relief, confused on why Darkness decided to just leave, but glad she did. They all turn to look at Jimmy.

“Jimmy, don’t you safeguard Heaven? How could you let her in like that?” 

Jimmy raises up one eyebrow in confusion. “What? I don’t safeguard Heaven. I’m just a tour guide. James is the one who safeguards the gates.“

“Wait. Jimmy... James? Jimmy, do you have a twin?” Alex asks. He nods as if it was obvious the entire time. “Yes? Wait, did you think we were the same person all along?”

Alex snarks at him. “Well, duh, you’re twins. You guys look exactly the same.”

_Bloop! _ James Neutron, who frankly looks a lot like James Ransone pops up right behind them. “Ah, we get that a lot. Hello, visitors! Nice to see you again.“

Jared pulls a face of disgust, realizing that James let the Darkness into Heaven, but quickly pulls a poker face. “Hello, James. Have I seen you around before?”

“Of course! I see all of you at the entrance of the gates. You are Jared Padalecki; Michael hater first, human second.” James announces proudly, proving he truly does know everything about everyone.

Michael puts on the most serious face he’s ever put, which says a lot. “What.”

Jared nervously chuckles, looking around in obvious fake confusion. “Haha. I never said that.”

“Haha, but you thought it. Anyway, I see we’ve had an unlucky visitor arrive?” James looks around as if he’s looking for the unlucky visitor.

Misha rolls his eyes at the doofus. “Yes, James. The Darkness invaded Heaven and injured Michael, which means she must have gotten through you guarding the entrance. Care to explain?“

James pulls a duck face holding up a peace sign. “Hahaha I dunno that’s like wild man never heard of it hahaha I don’t guard the entrance who’s James Neutron are you James Neutron wait but if you’re James Neutron and I’m James Neutron and he’s James Neutron then who’s actually guarding the entrance???”

Misha rests his elbow on Jade’s shoulder. “Jade, is it just me or is James a horrible liar?”

Jade crosses her arms. “Not just you, chief. James guards Heaven, and must have allowed the Darkness in. Should we confront him? Michael, what’s your input on this?”

Michael rolls his eyes and flips them off, still hurt about what James said about him. “Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus you’re white.”

“James, we know you’re lying. Tell us the truth now, and you won’t get hurt. Why did you let the Darkness into Heaven, risking the safety of everyone?”

Before James could answer, a thunder bolt of lightning struck the grounds of heaven, and in came flying what seemed to be a huge piece of... something, causing an enormous hole in the ground. Everyone flew back, dust blocking their view and causing them to cough. Before they could see what had caused the hole, they heard an unfamiliar, dark voice...

“AYO WHERE MY THONG AT?!?!?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos,,,, comment,,,,,,,,, please,,,,, its my birthday you have to - ratcastiel 12.10.19


	12. if i lost my thong. i don’t lose it bc i did. no i didn’t💛

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayo where rowan’s thong at??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise you this is the best storyline so far omg we finally made it boys. enjoy!!

Everyone looked over at the young woman in shock. Because of her thong, but mostly because of her awful outfit choice. 

They all stood up and brushed off the dust from their clothes. “Bro, how do you lose a thong?” Jared whispers to Jensen. Jensen ignores him, trying to be polite to thong girl. “Uh. Hey, lady. Are you okay?”

This question alone made her furious. “My name is Rowan Blanchard, and NO! I am not okay. My signature thong has been STOLEN, which means someone here has it!”

“Whoa, Regeatton Blanks. As far as I know, no one here has your thong. Don’t go around accusing everyone.” Jared boldly stated as if the girl didn’t just cause a hole in heaven.

Rowan stomps her feet and waddles her arms in frustration. “WELL THEN WHO DOES?! My thong is my best friend, I CAN’T LEAVE IT BEHIND!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! We’ll help you find your thong, ma’am.” Jimmy blasts over. “Now, tell us the story of how you lost it.”

Regeatton sat down. “Well, it all started the day I died...”

Shane grabs his smooth detective music playlist. “Oh, this oughta be good!”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Continue.”

“I was listening to Nicki and-“

“WAIT, you listen to Nicki?” Michael interrupts in the mention of his heart’s most fondest desire.

Cat lights up. “Nicki’s actually here if you want to meet her!”

“QUIET!” Rowan demands. “I’m speaking about my thong, not Nicki. As I was saying, I was listening to Nicki while doing my makeup getting ready for my date with my boyfriend, Tom Holland. He comes over and we’re having a great time, when all of a sudden...“

————

_“HI, SISTERS!”_

_Tom and Rowan look at the man in shock. Tom breathes out, “JAMES?! What are you doing here? I told you to never contact me again! And why are you carrying a lamp?”_

_“Tom who is that?!” A frightened Rowan asked._

_“I’m the last face you’ll ever see.” James hits Rowan with his lamp. Rowan has been defeated._

————

“And then... darkness. Till I ended up here.”

Tori and Cat bolt up at the mention of a James. “Wait, James Charles?” They look at Jade but Jade is too busy streaming Fine Line the album by Harry Styles on her phone.

Rowan shrugs. “Dunno, I didn’t know him before that. He’s the one who looks like Flashback Mary.“

Misha tilts his head and nods. “Yeah, that’s definitely James Charles. That still doesn’t explain how the thong went missing, though.”

“Do I really have to cut this down for you...?” Rowan sighs. “JAMES stole my thong.“

After a small hesitation, an idea popped into Rowan’s head. “And... you guys are gonna help me find him.”

Jensen pulled a disgusted face, taken aback. “Uhm chile we never agreed to that.”

Rowan glared at him. Jensen sighs. “But fine, we’ll help you. Anyone have an idea where James would be?”

God stands up straight. “I know exactly where he is.” His eyes landed on Alex’s sleeping figure. Oh well, no pain, no gain. “Alex, wake up—All of us are gonna go on a little trip to hell.”

Alex bolts up from his nap, breathing harshly after being forced awake. “HELL?”

God pointed at him, a dark look on his face. “Did I stutter?” Alex looked down, suddenly remembering that he’s talking to a powerful being, not just another friend.

“I’m sowwy, God.”

Rowan eagerly started up the heaven car. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get my thong back!”

God sat in the driver’s seat and waited for everyone to get in. The car expanded for everyone to fit, and once they were all seated, he started up the engine. Jared and Jensen laid down to rest for the way there. God cleared his throat, and yelled out. 

“Buckle up, Supernaturals!

_ So let's ride / (Vroom vroom) / Bitches know they con’t catch me / (Vroom vroom) / Cute, sexy and my ride's sportee _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long hiatus!! it took me 20 days to finally write these bc i just be procrastinating but now that it’s ratsashley’s turn to write she’s gonna go off so more food for y’all. eat up whores <3


	13. HELL? DEADASS?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the supernaturals go to hell, and they put on some costumes in order to blend in with the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry that james ransone is a character. we’ll get rid of him soon i promise.

As the group stepped out of the car, officially entering Hell, Jared’s luscious hair caught flame.

“Your wig!” Shane cried out. “Your wig is on fire!”

Jared patted out his hair, putting out the flame. “It’s not a wig.” He said firmly. His hair flowed in the wind- wait, where the fuck was this wind coming from. “Um chile. Anyway so...”

God ignored them. “We’re here.”

Alex looked at their surroundings, taking it all in. Hell looked like a large mansion. Jeffree Star’s mansion, at that. “Uh. Is it just me or does Hell look... good?”

God ground his teeth. “Don’t let it fool you. This is led by the most vicious demon of them all.”

Jade started twiddling her fingers. “So do we just... go inside?”

Rowan lashed out at Jade’s question. “If we’re gonna get my thong back! Or did you forget why we’re here?” Jimmy crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at the girl. “Haha, shut up, Rowena. Let’s go in.”

Jensen walked into the mansion first, and the others trailed behind. Misha gasped as he saw a figure move in the shadows.

“Oh no. God, did you see that?”

God ignored his question, walking further into Hell. However, Shane heard Misha, and he walked closer to the shadow. Shane squinted at the dark. _Oh, well. I might as well investigate. If I tell the others, they’ll just stop me. _

Alex scratched the scruff of his beard, still irritated at God’s rough waking up. “What’s next, God? You just woke me up and told me that we were going to Hell, so what’s the game plan?”

God turned to look at Alex, and snapped up some costumes for Jensen and himself. “Well, we’re gonna have to get to James, so we’ll have to fit in with everyone else. Jensen and I are way ahead of y’all.” At the mention of costumes, Cat squealed. Jade walked towards the group. 

“Well, if we can’t sneak in because we’re angels, we might as well help with the costumes.” Jade applied some eyeliner to Alex’s eyes as she spoke, smudging it in the process. Alex adjusted his leather jacket.

“How do I look?” Asked Alex.

Jade let out a pleased sigh. “Much better.”

At Jade’s compliment, Alex smiled. “I’ll sneak in with the demons.”

God rolled his eyes, thinking about how he could have just snapped up some costumes for everyone else. He sat down, knowing that this would take some time.

Misha leaned on Jared’s shoulder. Misha knew he wouldn’t be able to make it past a demon without them knowing that he was an angel.

“And... Jared and I will just stay here, then. That’s what we’ll do.” Cat pulled two silly hats out of her purse and handed them to Jared and Misha. They looked up at her with confusion in their eyes.

“I keep them in case of emergencies. They’re my good luck charm.” Cat smiled. “Oh look! This is an emergency. Take good care of them!” Cat started cracking up at her own joke. Jared and Misha looked at each other, shrugged, and put on the hats.

James Neutron looked at the others having fun. He felt left out, but he knew that being evil was better than this. He shrugged on his suit, and slicked down his mountain of hair with grease.

“Rowan, you can just come with us as you are. Your fashion sense looks like a disguise enough as it is.”

Jensen started walking, but looked down as he heard a soft meow. A small orange cat tabby cat looked up at him, with dark red horns next to it’s ears.

Jensen gulped.


	14. they’re still in hell. don’t worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they encounter a few demons, and see if their disguises will pay off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ms juicyy baybee

Jensen kneels down next to the cat as it begins speaking, voice distorted as it does so. Tori interrupts.

“Hey, isn’t that Shane’s cat?”

God shushes her, and Uno walks up behind Cheeto, voice distorted as well. He nods along as they speak, but suddenly remembers that the others can’t understand the language they speak in.

“Ah, hold on.” He says while casting a spell to make them speak english.

“Praise all. Why have you come down to the grave? Do you need anything? If not, I’ll have to continue on my way. I have places to be, souls to torture.”

“Yes haha, out of my way, coming through.” Rowan pushes past God, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down next to the demons. “We’re looking for a James Charles. J-A-M-E-S-“

Shane’s other dog, Honey, interrupts her. “Oh yeah. That guy. He left in a rush a few minutes ago. If the situation is dire, you could talk with Satan themself.”

Jared leans back, sucking in a breath. “He left in a rush? Do you know where he went?”

Cheeto shakes his tiny head. “No, sorry. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to Satan? Uno, Honey, and I cannot stay for long. We have souls to torture.”

As Cheeto speaks, Jensen stares at him, with a blank look on his face, still trying to figure out how these animals are actually talking.

God mutters under his breath, “God I can’t believe I’m doing all of this for a fucking thong.” He clears his throat and plasters a smile onto his face. “Show us the way!”

Uno, Cheeto, and Honey start walking.

————

Jared begins to sway around from boredom, and he adjusts his hat.

“Should we just leave? I mean... they don’t actually expect us to wait here for hours. Roaming around won’t do much harm.”

“Jared, and I mean this with no harm, this is Hell. I don’t think roaming around is the best plan.” Misha says, crossing his arms. While Misha speaks, Jared starts walking towards a barely-open door. As Misha looks back, he sees the younger man already walking, and he follows. He sighs deeply.

“Fine! We still have to be back soon.”

Jared stops right in front of the door, cracking it open a tiny bit. At Jared’s sudden stop, Misha nearly bumps into him. Misha looks through the door, seeing none other than Shane, tied up to a chair.

“Oh my god. When did we lose him?” Misha asks, quietly.

Shane startles awake at the voice. He squints towards the door.

“J-Jared? Jared! MISHA!” He calms down, looking around the room. “What are you doing here?” He whispers.

Misha walks into the room, hands throw up into the air. “We don’t fucking know either, luv! But don’t worry, we’ll get you out of here.”

As Jared walks towards the chair, they hear the door open. He freezes in his tracks. Heels clack on a hardwood floor as _he_ enters.

“No. I don’t think you will.

————

When Alex separated from the group, he successfully blended in with a group of demons. A nice, rather talkative one that refers to himself as Elliot, had been chatting away as they walk to the floor above Satan’s office._ He kind of looks like Elliot from Supernatural. Maybe if he wasn’t a demon they’d be good friends._

“Yeah- and then I said ‘No, dude.’ but he drank the entire fishbowl, fish included. Oh. We’re here.” Elliot said as he kneeled to the ground, placing his hands on the floor as he looked down from the hidden hole in Satan’s rooftop.

“Yup, there’s Satan. Satan with a tracksuit and a gucci bag but we don’t talk about that.“

Elliot got up from the floor and let Alex take his turn to look down. “Really? That’s Satan? To be fair, I don’t know what I expected.” Alex said, looking down at Jeffree Star’s form. Jeffree moved to the side, allowing Alex a better view to the group of kidnapped individuals. _ Wait a minute—that’s Misha, Jared, and Shane!_

Alex got up from the floor, stuttering over his words in shock.

“Uh I-. I have to go.”

Elliot frowned. “Hey, where are you going? We haven’t even showed you the torture chambers yet!”

Alex ran out of the room, a quick apology slipping out as he ran to Satan’s waiting room.

Jensen and God sat there patiently, while Michael and the others seemed disinterested. As soon as Alex rushed in, disheveled, Tori bolted up. She was about to start speaking, but Alex interrupted her.

“Guys. I don’t know how to explain this, but I’ll make it quick. Jared, Misha, and Shane are being held captive by Satan. What should we do?”

Jimmy and James looked at each other, taking off their hell disguises, revealing their true form. They gave each other a firm nod, and looked back at the group.

“Let us at him.”


	15. oh shit we fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the supernaturals fight satan or whateva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spicymaple is so FUCKING annoying. bruh just write the chapter without taking 20 days damn

As Jeffree explains the different ways he will torture everyone, the Neutrons bust the door down. Jade stays behind with Cat, but Alex, Jensen, God, and the Neutrons walk into Satan’s office. “Excuse me, I was kind of in the middle of something.” Jeffree says flipping his hair back to see who entered. “Not anymore you’re not, luv.” God energizes his powers. “Let go of our friends, Jeffree.” Jeffree sighs as he grabs his bag. “So you really want to do this? Alright.” He grabs a whole ass dildo out of his purse, but throws it to the floor once he realizes what he’s grabbing. He clears his throat as he stutters out, “That’s... not what I was looking for.” God stares at the dildo on the floor as Jeffree pulls out a lip gloss molotov cocktail. 

“Aha!”, he yells out, throwing it to the group. Michael flinches, but the lip gloss fails to activate. Jeffree frowns. “Just... just give me a minute.” He says, looking through his purse for more weapons. Jeffree scratches his chin while he rummages through the purses.

“Psst. A little help here?” Jared asked, still tied to a chair. While Jeffree lost track of time looking through his bag, Jensen untied Jared. Shane untied himself, secretly able to escape, but enjoying the drama of being tied up. As they freed themselves, they assembled. Once everyone was in position, Cat yelled out.

“Jimmy, now!”

Jimmy lifted his gun to Jeffree’s head. “Tell us where James Charles is, or you’ll never live to torture another soul again.” Jeffree’s smile fell and he ground his teeth together before speaking.

“I’ll take that chance.”

As Jensen untied Misha, the older man lost his balance. His arms flailing as he fell, he pushed Jeffree to the floor. Jared spoke immediately.

“Quick, tie him up!” Shane passed a rope to Alex, who started tying up Jeffree. Jeffree squealed as his wig got snagged and caught in the rope.

“H-hey! Let go.” He said, suddenly scared. Shane scoffed as he tugged at the rope. Jeffree’s wig fell to the floor as Jade entered the room, her eyes suddenly narrowing as she saw a flap of skin on Jeffree’s neck. She walked up to Jeffree and crossed her arms before leaning in for a closer look. “Wait... is that just a mask?” Jade said, ripping it off. Jared, Jensen, Misha and Alex all shared similar looks of shock as they said in unison,

“James Charles?” Bald James Charles laughed evilly. “Well, you finally figured it out!” He said before continuing to laugh for an uncomfortable amount of time. “Surprise!”

Misha crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

“Hello James,” he said with a look of disgust on his face. “Give us Rowan’s thong, and you won’t get hurt.” Rowan extended her hand towards James Charles. “You heard the guy. Give me my thong, bitch.” James’ body morphed into that of Randall from Monsters Inc., and he chuckled. “Oh, dear, dear Supernaturals. You don’t really think Satan does anything without a price, do you?” Jensen pulled a katana out of seemingly nowhere, pointing it to the man. “You’re not the real Satan, though. What do you want in return?” Jared piped in, “We’ll sacrifice Michael.” Michael laughed, but upon seeing no other person laugh, he shut up quickly. He cleared his throat, and asked “What?”

James faced the group, “I haven’t said what I needed in return yet.” He looked at Michael, “...however, I suppose he will still do. I will require someone’s last name. I’m supposing Michael is already my volunteer.”

Michael was making coffee, and looked up. “Someone’s last name...?” The realizashun hit him. “...Girl I know y’all lying.” Jade crossed her arms, grunting out a, “What do you mean?”

James Charles rolled his eyes. “Well if it’s a no, I can always keep your stank thong.” Rowan yelled, “That’s it!” and started charging towards James. The Supernaturals held her back before she got too close. James leaned back and asked again. “So—what’s it gonna be?” Jensen and Jared whispered to God, while James Charles cleaned his nails.

“Is there any other way?” God chewed on Chinese take-out noodles and spoke. “I try not to interact with Satan much, but I know when he wants a deal, that deal is set.” Jared shuffles around nervously. “Fine. We accept.”

Michael spat out his coffee and yelled out, “Wh- Girl I DONT ACCEPT!” Alex and Misha hardened their faces and spoke, “I’m sorry Michael, it’s the only way.” Michael sighed in defeat.

“...Well... Fine. James, I hope you stan Nicki.” Rowan stepped in front of James, blocking his view of Michael.

“Now, James. My thong?” James clapped his hands together. “Of course...” He almost handed over the thong, but as Rowan reached for it he pulled his hand back. “...once the wedding is over.” Rowan growled out,

“How about I DESTROY you once the wedding is over?” Michael put his hand between the two, separating them. “GUYS, calm down. James, we get married tonight. Then you give back Rowan her thong.” James smiled at his soon-to-be husband.

“Sounds like a sister solid plan to me!”


	16. wedding time baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for a wedding!

Michael stared at the mirror, seemingly in a trance. Jared patted down his suit jacket, and looked over to the groom. “Michael, you good man?” Michael adjusted a strand of hair, accidentally yanking it out from stress. He continued to stare at the mirror, and tried to prepare himself. 

“You can do this. You’re gonna get that thong back and marry Ja-”  
He gagged, interrupting the name.

“Marry James Cha-. God I cant even say it.” Jared clapped him on the back. “I’m so sorry Michael. We can get you a divorce immediately after we get the thong, and everything will be alright. For now, just calm down, and go get married to Satan.” Jared winced slightly as he realized what he said. The wedding bells rung, and Shane gave a small smile to Michael.

“Well, time to go out buddy.”

  
————  
The seats began to fill with demons and other people who aren’t relevant to the plot for now. Michael stood in the front obviously, next to his best men, Jensen, Jared, Alex, and Shane. The world’s first cat priest, Millie, sat on stool nearby. Everyone was waiting for James to walk in. Michael’s hands began to tremble. _It seems like only a few moments ago I saw my old friend Misha again. Now I’m in an arranged marriage. Isn’t it funny how life works?_ James walked down the aisle, with two demons holding up the trail of his dress. 

“Hello, Michael. I hope you’re ready for our life together.”

Jensen and Jared leaned towards each other and whispered.

“Did you think he was gonna wear a dress?”

“I thought he would but I wasn’t sure.”

Shane faced them, “You guys know he’s like right next to us.” Jared looked at him. “Yeah I know-“ Michael cut them off with a shush. “Guys, the cat-. Err... the priest is speaking.”

  
————  
Alex zoned out for half of the wedding, finally coming to for the betrothal. The cat priest meowed while God translated.

“…any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony speak now.”

The sharp snap of heels clacking on the floor can be heard as someone enters. How their heels clack on grass is unknown.

“I object.” Everyone looked over at the voice in shock and gasped. “That man is an imposter. I’m the real Satan.”

God covered his face in shame, muttering to himself.  
“Oh myself. How did I not know this?”

Millie meowed, and God shook his head and spoke for her. “Please continue.”

Michael popped a cigarette in his mouth and breathed out a sigh of relief. “Whew chilé. Someone objected. I can chill now.”

James dropped Michael’s hands, and recoiled away from him as he looked up and down at the intruder.

“Oh my Satan! Jeffree! Wow... ahaha, what a surprise! T-thank you so much for coming to my wedding!” He laughed nervously. James snapped his fingers, trying to teleport away. However, his powers failed him this time. “My powers... WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?” He shrieked.

Jeffree gave him a sly smile. “Did you really think I’d give you all of my power? I took back the little power that I gave you. All I asked was for you to take care of Hell while I was gone, and what do you do? You take advantage and try to force someone into marriage.”

He faced the crowd. “James has been lying to all of you this entire time. He’s not the real Satan, and he doesn’t even have Rowan’s stank thong. Not anymore, at least.”

Jade gave a small smile to Michael as his cigarette fell out of his mouth. Rowan dropped the bouquet of flowers she was holding.

“So what I’m getting from this is... _you_ have my thong?”

Jeffree frowned. “Fuck no. I was on vacation, why would I have your thong?”

Rowan collapsed dramatically, no one rushing to her aid. “So if you don’t have my thong, and James doesn’t have my thong, who does?” Jeffree thought for a second, and spoke. “I think I have an idea where it could be. I’ll have to stay here, but good luck on your mission.”

A drunken woman turned to the group, swaying slightly. “There’s... no need.” She bumped into a table as she approached Rowan. “I am RIGHT... here.” An unholy burp erupted from her body. “...and so is your thong.” Alex faced her. “Huh? Who are you?”

“My name is...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger 👀


	17. commercial break!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmm. cliffhanger baby! time for a commercial break!

Bill Hader woke up to the sound of his cellphone ringing. _Huh. That’s weird. It’s three in the morning, who would be calling me? He coughed softly before answering._ “Hello?” 

__

“This is Beyoncé, come outside I’m in a black Nissan Altima. I have $25,000 for you.”

Bill stumbled over his words as he spoke.  
“But uh, but-but I, uh, and then, um, uhh...” His mind finally clicked.

“Beyoncé? I haven’t heard from you in years! It’s Bill. Bill Hader. How are you, girl?” 

Beyoncé scoffed. “Don’t talk to me. Get the money and leave. I have a busy day and do not have time for this.”

The call dropped with a single click. Bill shut his phone off.

_Busy day? How busy can it get? It’s fucking three in the morning!_ He ignored the thought and went outside to collect his money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will never be mentioned in the story again. it’s literally not relevant at all <3


	18. omg bro who dat girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the woman reveals her identity to the supernaturals. im shit at summaries

“My name... is Belela Throne—current beholder of the famous thong.” She extended her hand, waiting for it to be shaken.

Misha stared at her lingering hand, then at her. “To be honest, we don’t really care. Just give us Rowan’s thong so this can be over.”

Bella smiled. “Sure! On one condition.” God interrupted her with a loud whisper, mostly to himself, “Oh lordt... again? ...a-fucking-gain. Nothing new, nothing changed. Same old shit, same old fucking shit.” He coughed and proceeded to smile with teeth afterwards. “What is it?”

Bella glared at Rowan, and pointed a finger in her direction. “You throw out your whole, disgusting ass wardrobe and burn it with fire. Seriously, I took your thong because that was the cherry on top of your disgusting outfits. Plus it was causing a hole in the ozone layer because of how stank it was.”

Rowan shrieked, her go-to move when something was wrong.“What? NEVER! My outfits are the best thing to ever happen to this world.”

God sighed. “Girl we did not come all the way out here and force Michael into an arranged marriage for you to reject your thong. Throw out your damn wardrobe.”

Rowan looked at the others for input. They all looked away, awkwardly scratching the back of their heads. Rowan sighed. He was right. She exhales deeply and takes out her bag of clothes. Jade thought to herself, “Damn bitch. You carry your entire fucking wardrobe around?”

“Here. Throw it away...” Rowan handed over her clothes while looking away dramatically. Bella handed over the thong and took the bag. “Thanks, sweaty! The world thanks you for your unselfishness. You’ve passed the test!” She smiled.

Jensen screwed his eyes in confusion. “Wait. This was a test?” Rowan tilted her head. “Uh, test?”

Bella transformed into an angel, her true form. “Yes! And you’ve passed. Thank you Jeffree and James for your cooperation, and I’ll be on my way!”

Jared’s face seemed to shrink from its contorted state. “H-huh? God, did you know this?” God shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t know... I have bad memory.”

Jensen spoke without even thinking. “But... but aren’t you... God?”

“God isn’t perfect y’know. Are you threatening me?” He glared at Jensen.

Alex coughed. “How is that even a- nevermind.”

Cat shrieked, and everyone eyes snapped toward her. “Sorry. I hadn’t spoken in a while.” She giggled, and suddenly frowned. “Hell is ugly. We should go to Heaven to wrap this up!”

Jade leaned toward the redhead and sided with her. “Yeah... and we can test Roowana to see if she really deserves to go to Heaven.” 

Rowan threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “Uh... Didn’t I already pass that test? I gave up my wardrobe for the sake of the ozone layer. Plus I have to actually wash my thong now.”

Jared softly placed a hand on her shoulder. “Uh. Rowan, your thong is still one of the causes of global warming. I don’t think you’re gonna get a free pass to Heaven...”

She shrugged his hand off. “What’s your point, old man?”

Tori sighed and spoke for the first time this entire journey. “We’re not letting you off the hook, Rowan. We have to go back to Heaven, and test your soul. Then, we’ll see where you truly have to spend your afterlife.”

“B-b-but I GAVE IN MY WARDROBE! SHOULD THAT NOT BE ENO-“ God snapped his fingers, sending the group to Heaven.


	19. fuck it! we are LITERALLY back in heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rowen. im tired. thats enough. WAIT IM BACK MPRE HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you ratcastiel for writing this when my headass has been procrastinating for another 20 days❤️what if i write the next chapter haha jk unless

Tori and Cat took their seats, as Jade sat next to her fellow angels, Beck and Andre.

Mr. Sikowitz spoke first. “We will now begin the ceremony of the weighing of her soul. The heavier it is, the more sins she has committed. Let’s begin.”

Rowan chuckled nervously. “Umm haha... Stepping... on the scale...” Mr. Sikowitz sucked in a breath and held back a laugh. “Oooh. _Sorry_ Rowan... your sins have weighed you down.”

A single tear fell from her face. “So what does this mean, I-I’m going back to hell?” Mr. Sikowitz showed her the scale. “That seems to be the case. Goodbye, Rowan.” 

Rowan wiped her face and put on some sunglasses. “Lit. Bye, whores. Y’all ugly plus your armpit stank, Chuck.” God covered his armpits immediately. “Wh- is that true?” Jared and Jensen made no comment.

Misha sighed. “Well, weren’t we talking about something before Rowan came in?” James Neutron gulped as Misha’s eyes landed on his figure. 

“Oh, right! James, how did the Darkness enter Heaven if you were guarding the gates? Did...” Misha clears his throat, and continues in a deeper pitch. “Did you let The Darkness into Heaven?”

James laughed nervously. “I-is that really at the top of our problems right now? The past is the past, muchacho lato!”

Jensen laughs. “The past? The Darkness _KILLED_ Michael because of you. I mean, sure, he’s alive right now, but Jade cried. I’ve only known her for a few days but I don’t think she does that regularly. The only other ‘problem’ that we have, is you. I think we have no other choice but to weigh your soul, and determine if you should stay with the Supernaturals. God? What do you say?”

God prepared his infinity gauntlet. “I say we give him the ultimate test—to determine if he is truly pure of heart. Don’t worry, you only have to say two words. Alex, will you do the honors?”

Alex smiled brightly, and turned towards James. “Of course. James, can you say trans rights?” James scoffed. “Human rig-“

_SNAP!_

Misha gave a sigh of relief. “Oh well, it’s what he deserves.” He said, posing with a trans flag.

Jimmy Neutron crossed his arms. “Not to say I warned y’all, but, I warned y’all.”

Cat’s hands flew to her head. “Guys! Where’s Michael? Oh no! Did we leave him with James Charles?”

God turned towards Michael. 

“OH, NO! MICHAEL!”

Michael was crumpled on the floor.

“Mr. God, I don’t feel so good...”

Shane’s body began disintegrating as well. “Wh-what’s happening to me?” Jade rushed to Michael’s side. “Michael... Shane? God, what did you do?” Michael began disintegrating, and eventually everyone joined him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gang disintegrate . where will they go


	20. avengers endgame but without any of the actual movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang disintegrated! but oh yeah yeah. they are somewhere. cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im taking control. spicymaple will not be allowed to write anymore!! but maybe

Jade was the first to get back up off the ground, fully intact. She looked herself up and down, feeling strange, and weirdly two-dimensional. Suddenly, the past events clicked together in her mind.

“What the actual _fuck_ happened to me?”

A cartoonized version of Michael jumped up, pumping his fists.

“KOWABUNGA! What’s happened to us? God?”

Shane sighed, and muttered a soft, “Man this is so fucked...” to himself. Jimmy Neutron squinted his eyed as he stared at the group.

“Damn bitch... y’all look the same as me!” He said, gesturing to his cartoon body. The group looked on in horror as Jimmy Neutron stared back... only this time, he was humanized. He looked fucked up.

God started pacing around, trying to piece together what happened.

“My gauntlet must’ve gone out of control! Let’s start looking for clues on where we are, everybody. Jeez it is hot as a witch’s coochie in here!”  
Jared and Misha watched on as an irritated Jensen turned towards God.

“Clues? What next? We split up? The Scooby Gang shows up?”

Shane’s head snapped towards the Supernatural actors.  
“Don’t mention their name.”

Tori leaned towards Jade, resting a hand on her hip, looking for a challenge.

“Why not?”

Shane breathes out a deep sigh. “I’ve... had some bad experiences with them...” He stares blankly before shuddering. “Anyway.”  
Suddenly, Alex woke up. He stared down at his hands, blinking rapidly. His mouth dropped open, looking for the words to describe how he was feeling. He checked his face in his phone’s camera, and stared up at the others.

”Bruh... why the fuck do I look like a baby?”

Jared, Jensen, and Misha ignored his question, looking for a brighter response. They joined hands before agreeing.

“He’s baby!”  
Jade shook her head at the others’ antics. “Anyway, what should we be looking for?”

God shrugged. “Well, we should look arou-” He cut himself up when he looked at their surroundings, which would kind of explain where they were. “Whoa...”  
Misha’s jaw dropped, and Jensen yelled out at the millions of lines of computer codes surrounding them.  
“We’re in the _fucking matrix_?”

Cat sighed. “Seems so.”

Then, Michael jumped up, eyes landing on a big red button on a table. “Kachow! Whoa... This is insane... Hey what does this red button do?”

Alex waved his hands frantically. “Michael, no! Don’t press anything! We don’t know what it could-”

Michael interrupted him with the soft click of the button. Nothing happened. Michael turned to him and shrugged.

“Seems like it doesn’t do anything.” Suddenly, the floor opened up and everyone began falling through.

“_WAAAAAAUUUURRHRHREJHE_”


	21. damn we out of the fucking matrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang meets another gang!!

The group landed on the floor with a harsh _THUNK_, Michael getting up immediately, with no injury to his empty head. Daphne Blake looked down at the others while Shaggy and Scooby devoured a sandwich.

“Oh hey. First time?” Fred Jones said, giving Jensen a grin before helping him up off the ground.

Jared’s jaw dropped as he looked over at the Mystery Incorporated gang. He shook his head and blinked twice before speaking. “Woah... this is just like that one episode of Supernatural.” He said, playfully hitting Misha on the arm. God was at a loss for words, for once.

“Girl what’s Supernatural? Anyway-” Misha interrupted him with a shake of his head. “Bro why do you think we’re called the Supernaturals?”

Shane ignored the obvious plot hole before noticing the new group.

“Oh god, it’s them. Hide me!” He said, jumping behind Jade.

Jade shook him off. “Huh? Get off me! What’s wrong?” Tori piped in, a microphone suddenly in her hand. “Yeah dude, what’s your problem with Scooby-Doo?” She sung out.

Velma turned towards the youtuber, stern faced. “Hello, Shane.” Shane gulped, a barely audible “Hyuck!” coming out of him.

God rolled his eyes. “Hello, Scooby Gang! Do you mind telling us where exactly we are?”

Cat chirped in. “Yeah! Where are we?”

Velma adjusted her glasses before she spoke. “Well if we’re being honest, we... don’t exactly know. We were transported here after we solved another mystery, but no one knows how or why! We thought we would be alone in here forever. How’d you guys get here?”  
God laughed softly. “Well, ahaha, I’m God, and these are my friends. We were transported here after I accidentally misused my infinity gauntlet.” Jade glared at Michael. “After we were transported, Michael here pushed a big red button, sending us here.”

Michael gave a toothy smile. “Yeah I did!”

“Huh. Sounds familiar...” Fred said, glaring at Shaggy. Shaggy looked around before looking back at Fred. “Bro I’m just standing here.”

“So you really have no clue as to how you arrived in this place? I mean, it must have some correlation with my gauntlet... but I’ve never done this with it before.”

Misha jumped up, his mind finally putting the pieces together.

“Wait. You’ve used the gauntlet before? Do you think that multiple uses of it has affected the way it works?”

Michael scoffed. “Bro, your head good? He’s God, how can his gauntlet malfunction? Damn. This why I can’t stand twinks.”

Alex flared up at the insult to his friend. He ‘accidentally’ bumped into Michael, pushing him to the ground. Alex flipped him off and spoke. “Hey, from one Nicki stan to another, shut up before I make you.”

Michael whined after falling onto his butt from the push.

“WAAAAAAAAAA”

Suddenly, Michael started malfunctioning. Misha rushed to his side.

“What the heck! Uh, Michael, don’t worry, I’ll try using my powers on you.” Misha hovered his hands over Michael’s head, but to no use. “God, don’t just stand there, help him!”

Alex panicked. _Did I accidentally kill Michael? In a cartoon world_? He leaned over Michael, trying to heal him. Nothing worked. He wiped his sweaty hands on his two-dimensional jeans and looked up at the others.

“Cut the cameras. Deadass. Do our powers not work in this world?”

God calmly strutted over to Michael’s dying body. He placed a hand on the actor’s forehead, but to no avail.

“Fork! My powers don’t work either! Cheeseballs, can we not cuss either?”

Michael continued to glitch, suddenly chanting out an ancient language. Shane gasped, “Oh no... I know that chant from only one person...”

The group walked away from Michael, waiting for Shane’s reveal.

Jensen leaned over Michael’s body, looking over at the others. “I... I think he’s having a seizure. Is no one gonna help him?”

Shane stands, waiting for Jensen to stop worrying over Michael’s dead ass body.

“Shane, Michael’s about to die,” Jared quirks his head. “Again. Who do you know that has used that chant before?” 

Just on cue, lightning struck from the cartoon sky, causing everyone to look over at the person they never thought they’d see again.

“Well, well, well... If it isn’t the Supernaturals themselves!”


	22. these bitches. BACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mf. oh lordt who’s back??

Jade lets out a long, shaky breath. “What the fork do you want, Robbie?”

“Jesus, Jade. Aren’t you a lesbian? Thought y’all were chill. Just calm down.”

Cat rolls her eyes and walks over to Jade and holds her arm. “Robbie, I don’t think it’s jazzy to assume someone’s sexual orientation.”

Robbie shrugs. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” He clears his throat and leans his elbow against the table. “So, you straight?”

“I don’t know what I am, Robbie.” Cat shakes her head while dismissing the question. “Why are you doing this to us?”

“Oh! Right, my apologies.” He shakes his body a little, preparing himself, and closes his eyes. Once he opens them back up, they’re as dark as a world with no light, obviously.

“You all thought you defeated me last time we met, but our fight isn’t over yet. As you were all distracted with the ridiculous thong story that I hired my good ol’ friends—Rowan, James, Jeffree, and Bella—to pull off, I had time to malfunction God’s gauntlet to send you all here along with the Scooby Gang, who I had no idea were here in the first place. But now, you’re stuck here, with me torturing every single one of you, for eternity.”

The realization that there’s been a puppet master behind all of their adventures shocks Michael enough for him to stop malfunctioning. The group go through flashes of different emotions, eventually settling on anger... Anger towards Robbie. Michael suddenly has a fucking lit cigarette in hand for the theatrics of it. The lit cigarette is still censored due to the cartoon world’s rules. Michael drops it to the floor, crushing it under his shoe.

“Sure, hunty, but we’re not going down without a fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cat is open to the reader’s interpretation


	23. we fightin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title says it all bb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: major character death bc these bitches cannot stop dying

Shane transforms into his Superluv hero persona, and begins charging towards Robbie.

“YOU’LL NEVER WIN, ROBBIE! AAAAA-”

Only a few steps away from obliterating the angel, he collapses.

“Oh n-not now... I-I need my...”

Jensen rushes over to the YouTuber. “What do you need, Shane?”

“Diet... root... b-...” His eyes flutter shut before being able to finish the sentence, but Michael slaps Shane awake. 

“SPEAK UP, SHANE!”

Jensen, Jared, Misha, and Alex stand in the _you know I had to do it to em_ position, facing Shane’s body which is strewn across the floor. “Come on, Shane, just tell us.”, they say in unison. Robbie took this opportunity of vulnerability and began levitating Jensen and choking him, like in Star Wars, but not really.

Alex and Misha work together, using Misha’s body as an outlet for both of their powers, like in that episode of Supernatural, but not really. Misha shoots lasers out of his eyes and yells out,

“Stop, get away from him!”

Shane bolts up at Misha’s yell.

“Give me my diet root beer, because I’m about to beat this bitch up.”

Cat pulls out an entire can of diet root beer from her bra. “Here you go, Shane!”

Shane chugs down the root beer and disgustingly exhales. He passes the empty can to Andre and Beck, who are suddenly characters again.

“Ahhhh. Now. You’re going down, bucky boy.”

Jade, Tori, and Cat hold banana guns towards Robbie. Cat frowns towards her ex-friend.

“Come on, Robbie, what’s the point of doing this? You’ll never be powerful enough to be the ruler of hell.”

Robbie laughs, holding his puppet again. “Ruler of hell? My mission is not to be the ruler of hell, it is merely to obliterate every single one of you. Although if I wanted, I could definitely be powerful enough to be the ruler...” He waves his hand towards Jensen, brainwashing him. Rex would’ve smirked if he could move his puppet face. “Kill them.”

Jensen spins around, facing the Supernaturals, gun in hand. “I’m sorry, I- I can’t control it.” Michael stares at Jensen, body glitching and morphing into Timothée Chalamet and then back into himself.  
“Jensen? Come on, man... Don’t let Robbie do this to you. Think of everything we’ve all been through together. We defeated Robbie once, we can do it again. _You_ can do it again.”

Robbie rolls his eyes at the actor’s speech. “Oh, for [bleep] sake.” He grab’s Jensen’s gun and shoots Michael.

In a fit of rage, Jade throws a pair of scissors at Robbie, stabbing his hand. Robbie drops the gun as Jade rushes to Michael’s side.

“Michael, are you okay?” She says, kneeling by his wound. Jade applies pressure to the wound and Michael starts crying. “OW!!!!! THAT HURT FOO’!”

Misha removes the brainwashing from Jensen’s mind and rushes over to Michael. He softly pushes Jade’s hand to the side as he tries to remove the bullet. It doesn’t budge. The other group members watch on in horror, and Robbie starts polishing Rex’s face.

“I’m sorry, Michael, the bullet seems angelproof.”

Michael removes Misha’s hands from his body, softly caressing Jade’s face as Beck and Andre look on and whisper, “What the fuck?” to each other. 

“Guys... It’s okay. I’ve died many times in my life, but each time I’ve always still been here with you guys. You must fight him, and r-remember... stream... Nicki...”

They all watch on as the last of Michael Cera’s light fades from his eyes. If Jared smiled a bit, who would’ve known?


	24. TO FREEDOM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> michael’s fucking DEAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my fucking god i’m writing,, ratsashley can finally stop beating me up now. ALSO LAST CHAPTER BEFORE EULOGY AAAAAAAAAA

It’s quiet.

Everyone is kneeling down next to Michael’s body, in disbelief that their good friend is no longer. They’ve accepted that the Supernaturals have already lost.

Shane tears up diet coke tears. “Michael would’ve licked my tears.” Shane breathes out a small sad laughter, everyone else following along with his laugh.

Alex looks down. “He taught me how to swim... Almost drowning me in the process, but he meant well.”

“We bonded over shooting Amy Schumer.” Jensen tilts his head. “Who knew it would’ve brought us here?” 

Jade smiles. “Michael Cera taught me what it was like to have a human friend. A true one. Without wanting to stab them with scissors just because they’re human and weak.” Everyone stares and fake smiles, amused and confused.

Jared decides to speak. “You know I hated him?” Everyone nods. “Yeah, probably wouldn’t have known. I guess I just thought he was annoying, but, gosh, he turned out to be one of the best friends I’ve ev-“

_BONK!_

God has smacked Jared with a toilet plunger.

“What are you doing? Are you really giving up right now? Robbie killed Michael! You should be fighting him so he won’t do the same to anyone else, you dunces! Don’t just sit there!” He yells out, which is ironic considering he has literally just been eating ramen noodles the entire time. 

Jared looks over at God, inspired by his short speech and completely ignoring the fact that he just gave him brain damage.

He stands up straight. “You’re right.” He turns to look over at his friends. “We already lost one person. We can’t give up now, we have to do this for him. We have to do it for Michael.”

Robbie rolls his eyes and sways his way over to them. “Oh, please, enough with the speeches already! All I’m hearing is blah blah blah about how you’re gonna defeat me, but you never do. So, what’s it gonna be?” 

Misha walks his way in front of everyone. “Robbie, we’ve already won.” 

Robbie furrows his eyebrows and laughs, taking out his ultimate weapon—a sword containing all powers of the universe. “Sure, Misha. You just never learn, do you?”

God calmly walks over, and easily breaks it in half. “You forget I literally made that, dawg?”

“HEY!” Robbie looks over at his broken weapon, now scared for his life.

Alex crosses his arms, walking over closely to Robbie with Misha and the rest following behind him. “Come on, Robbie. You’ve spent all this time on your own trying to figure out how to take us down, but we’ve spent this time learning how everyone works together. What you call powers will never match to our power together. You’ll never even make it to the status of dark angel, you’re just a _weak outcast._”

Robbie gulps as he slowly walks backwards, trying to get away from them.

The Supernaturals stop to circle together and join hands, getting themselves, Michael’s body, and the Scooby Gang out of the cartoon world, leaving Robbie alone in there for eternity, proving anything is possible with the spellbinding power of friendship. And that is magic not even the darkest of angels can break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. how y’all doing. robbie defeated. supernaturals livin. michael dead. eulogy up next baby Ɛ>


	25. the end. (eulogy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everyone returned to Earth from Robbie’s cartoon world, they decided to have a funeral for Michael. The heaven Supernaturals even came down to Earth for it, but soon having to go back up. However, they decided to all meet up at Jared’s for New Years.
> 
> and das where we are now folks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa!!!!! last chapter! thanks for reading this stupid ass story. we’ll miss it. and if you’re here from omegle and ur for some reason still reading bro deadass ily bro😳  
-spicymaple  
this isn’t a eulogy spicymaple is stupid  
-ratcastiel

“Well, what the fuck are you doing here again?”

Michael opened his eyes. He began looking around, seeing absolutely nothing around him. No black, no white; just plain old nothing. Except for a woman with an annoyed expression on her face, and crossed arms looking back at him. Where was he?

“Uh, wh-where am I? Who are you? What happened?”

She sighed as she uncrossed her arms and unveiled a scythe the size of an average human. “My name is Death. And you, Michael Cera, have died, yet again. However, it’s not your time yet. Care to explain?” Michael’s jaw dropped as she waited for a response. He opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him immediately with a fit of laughter. “Just kidding, I know what happened, and you’ve gotta get back home.” She waved her hand at him, bringing him back to life.

He began running towards her as she seemed to disappear. “Wait-!”  
Before he knew it, the floor opened, causing him to fall into it and disappear, too.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRVHSGDHW”

Michael gets teleported outside Jared’s house where everyone is 4 minutes away from celebrating the New Year. Wow this timeline is so fucked up.

He looks at the house filled with memories and sighs. He hears music coming from the inside and leans his ear against the door, finally hearing those voices he’s missed. He smiles. He smiles because he’s back. He smiles because he was gonna go back to his family.

Michael pats down his shirt and puts on his sunglasses. He wiggles a little and opens the door.

“What’s up you sons of bitches!”

“MICHAEL?!?!” Everyone comes over and tackles Michael, almost beating him up and killing him again but just trying to hug him.

“How are you here?!” Alex asks excitedly.

“Death brought me back!” Michael smiles.

“Ugh, love that bitch. Truly a queen, luv. Periodt. She slays.” God exclaims while showing off his new acrylics. Jimmy Neutron chills in his rocket or whateva.

Misha shuts his eyes. “Alex I will never forgive you for showing God your fucking memes. I can’t see.”

Jared points at the T.V. “Guys, look! The ball’s about to drop!”

Everyone huddles close together in front of the T.V. and begin to count down. _10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..._

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Everyone’s happy. They’re all together again. They’ve gone through hell together, like deadass, but now they’re living their best life and beginning the new decade together, with the _power of friendship_.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s all folks! hope you had a laugh while reading :) - ratcastiel
> 
> fun fact ratsashley and i were rushing to finish this part in the rp like five minutes before new years and finished at exactly 11:59pm. power move. anyway, supernaturals, signing off :)  
-spicymaple
> 
> our twitter:  
ratcastiel: @ratcastiel  
spicymaple: @sunniestylesz


End file.
